Three Boring Days and Nights on the Trans-Siberian Express Train

I’m not sure why I thought this would be a good idea but clearly I had way too much vodka. Three days and nights of train travel with only 20 minutes of fresh air and walking two or three times a day at nondescript train stations along the Siberian route may be the dumbest idea I’ve ever come up with. WTF was I thinking? The scenery was beautiful but after a couple of hours it became redundant. Hour after hour watching birch trees, cabins, rivers, and nothingness pass by my window became mind numbing.

Three days of

One of endless settlements of small cabins along the way

The emptiness is endless

More damn trees

My First Class Cabin/Cell complete with horse blanket and rock filled pillow

Home Sweet Home/Hell

One of the Endless Stations along the route providing a few minutes of fresh air

One half of my Train from Hell

The other half of the train to hell

A few of the 100 Zillion Birch trees in Siberia – As far as I’m concerned seen one you’ve seen em all

Train Schedule from Moscow to Ulan-Bator

TransSiberian Route with stops marked where you can throw yourself under the wheels and end it all!

sleeping on the train was also a treat. First of all the cabin was only six feet wide and I’m six foot three so I had to sleep folded. Second the bed was about four inches too narrow for my shoulders so my shoulder and one arm hung over the side unless I slept on my side. Third my cabin was on the opposite end of the train car from the bathroom and being a man of a certain age I’m forced to visit it a half a. dozen times thru a night. Fourth the bedding I was provided was less than first class – a scratchy wool horse blanket and a pillow filled with either small rocks, buckwheat or straw And finally, the Mongolian Cabin Matron must run cold because she kept the heat turned up high enough to cook a nice pot of borst in the cabin. In short nights sucked!

And eating was an interesting experience in its self. In my research before the trip I had learned that the food in the dining car was over priced and underwhelming. It was recommended that you bring your own snacks and buy food from the Babushkas selling their crap on the landings at each station stop. So I came prepared with plenty of tea bags, 3 liters of water, assorted nuts, chocolate, and dried instant soups. I also bought fruits, juice and home made items at each stop. By home made items I mean uncooked hotdogs wrapped in a pastry shell sold as authentic Siberian Meat Pies and smoked Lake Baikal fish that was actually baked

Even with all of the preparation and options I still opted to eat twice a day in the dining car for the change of scenery and human interaction with other passengers despite the high prices. Surprisingly I liked the food! For breakfast each day I had an odd concoction of eggs, tomatoes, boiled pork, and onions with garlic rye toast and orange juice. For dinner I had beef, boiled potatoes, tomatoes, cucumbers and garlic rye toast with orange juice. Not much variety but fairly tasty.

There was a group of college kids from the University of Puget Sound on the train traveling and studying abroad that I enjoyed visiting with in the dining car. It was interesting to hear their life plans. Turns out I was conversing with a future president of the United States, her Secretary of State, a budding economist and future Fed. Chairman and a some time in the future renowned Poet.

I resisted the urge to suggest back up plans for when life beats them down and their dreams turn to squat and who knows maybe one of them will succeed. Regardless from the first day on I always referred to them as Madam President, Mr. Secretary, Madam Chairman, and the preeminent Poet Laureate.

Three days and three nights in a sweat box without a shower, shampoo or shave – how glamorous is that! By the time I reached Irkutsk I looked and smelled like a cross between a Kassak and one of Genghis Kahn’s Golden Horde. So as it turned out the best part of the train ride was the shower, shampoo and shave at my Irkutsk hotel once I left the train.

The good news is I have three days to enjoy sleeping in one bed, internet, a daily hot shower, endless walking and seeing new sites, and a variety of food. The bad news is after that I get back on a train for two nights and a full day of second class travel to Ulan-Bator, Mongolia. BTW second class travel means I have to share the same 5 by 6 cabin with three other travelers and with my luck they will be yak headers that only bathe once a season and drink vodka by the liter. Again what the f__k was I thinking?

Photos attached!